What Is The Best Love- Agape or Philia?
This is the fifth in a series of posts from Chapter 2 of Friends With God: “How Do You Love God As His Friend”. In the Fourth Post we discussed that God gets great enjoyment from relating to you, if you walk in his ways, just like any parent loves their children who learn from them and walk in their ways.
The Love Of God’s Friends
I don’t pretend to be a Greek or Hebrew language scholar, but it can help to know a few words of these ancient languages in order to understand scripture a bit better.
English has one word for love, but there are three Greek words used in scripture: Philia, brotherly love, and Agape, which is often defined as God's divine love, and Storge, family love- which is only used once when combined with Philia. (Rom 12:10) There are also five other Greek words for love not used in scripture. There are also nine Hebrew words for love. I just want to focus here on Agape and Philia.
In John 21:15-17 we see Jesus and Peter using Agape and Philia in a powerful juxtaposition. Most scholars will say that Jesus was trying to encourage Peter to rise to the level of the Godly type of Agape love, but Peter could not get above the friendship Philia love. An article I recently read, however, suggested that we need to reconsider the conventional view of this discourse. (https://likeananchor.com/2014/12/20/gods-friends/)
About two weeks after his resurrection, Jesus called the Apostles out of their fishing boat to have breakfast with him on the beach:
When they had finished breakfast, Jesus asked Simon Peter, "Simon, son of Johnas, do you love (Agape) me more than these?" Peter told him, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love (Philia) you. "Jesus told him, "Feed my lambs."
Then Jesus asked him a second time, "Simon, son of Johnas, do you love (Agape) me?" Peter told him, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love (Philia) you." Jesus told him, "Take care of my sheep."
He asked Peter a third time, "Simon, son of Johnas, do you love (Philia) me?" Peter was deeply hurt that he had asked him a third time, "Do you love (Philia) me?" So, he told him, "Lord, you know everything. You know that I love (Agape) you!" Jesus told him, "Feed my sheep”. (John 21:15-17)
While Agape is used in many important scriptures, it’s not strictly speaking the standard of “Godly” love, but (according to Strong’s Concordance) it’s more a general, social or moral love.
In comparison, Philia is a more personal and intimate love, between friends. When Jesus first asked Peter if he loved him, in the social love of Agape, Peter responded with “I love you like a personal friend” with Philia.
Jesus then repeated what he said, and Peter responded the same way. Then Jesus asked him a third time, but this time he used the word Philia. We are told that Peter was deeply hurt that he had asked him a third time, "Do you love (Philia) me?"
Was Peter deeply hurt because Jesus asked him three times, reminding him of the three denials of Jesus just a few days before, or was it because Jesus questioned the genuineness of his friendship?
The fact that Peter was so grieved at this third question, could imply that Jesus was asking Peter if he really was his friend. If this is the case, then we can see that Peter’s reply is a confession of Jesus’ deep understanding of Peter’s mindset, and that he could not be truly considered to be Jesus’ Philia friend, but did, however, love him in the social Agape sense.
Peter responded to the first two questions by saying “Yes, Lord, you know that I love (Philia) you”. It’s as if he’s saying, “of course Lord, I love you in the social Agape way, because you know that I love you as my close Philia friend!”.
Jesus then actually questions his friendship by saying “do you really love me as a friend? And naturally Peter is distraught. Very quickly, however, Peter realized that Jesus was teaching him a very profound lesson:
Jesus had already accepted and loved (Agape) him, even though Peter had failed him as his friend (Philia).
Friendship with God is the ideal relationship, but God’s love for us will never fail, even when we fail to live up to this ideal.
God Commands Love
This relationship between Agape and Philia is again shown when Jesus tells the disciples they are his friends:
This is My commandment, that you love (Agape) one another as I have loved (Agape) you. No one has greater love (Agape) than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends (Philia).
You are My friends (Philia) if you do whatever I command you.
No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master does.
But I have called you friends (Philia), for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. (John 15:12-15)
It seems that when Jesus said “No one has greater love (Agape) than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends (Philia).” he was seeming to say that friendship (Philia love) is greater than social and moral (Agape) love.
If so, that would certainly support the entire pretext of my book “Friends With God”, but I am no Greek language scholar, so I certainly can’t say that. But it’s worth considering.
However, there are many subtle meanings in the Greek language, as there are in English. In addition, no one could say that any “type of love” is greater than any other, simply because each word is used in its own appropriate application.
Brotherly Kindness and Charity
Another example of using Agape and Philia in juxtaposition is when Peter tells us that we must add to the friendship of Philia, the moral love of Agape:
And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness (Philia) charity (Agape). (2Peter 1:5-8)
Personal friendship, it seems, is incomplete without social and moral love for the world.
We are also told that God so loved (Agape) the world, that he sent Jesus into the world, so that we may believe in him, and gain eternal life. (John 3:16) We too must love the world in this way, if we are to follow the example of Jesus.
Many books have been written on the various types of love in scripture, which, given that we are told that God is love, is not surprising: The one who does not love has not known God. For God is love. (1John 4:8) And we have known and believed the love that God has in us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. (1John 4:16) Agape is the word used the five times in these two verses, which is perhaps why people claim that Agape is Godly love.
However, as we have seen above, God’s love is also toward us as his friends. We also see that God loves us as friends, even when we are being rebellious: As many as I love (Philia), I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent. (Rev 3:19)
We don’t need to become Greek scholars to understand love, we just need to follow the example of Jesus, in order to love him as his friends.
The structure of the world that God has given us is to live in is families, extended families, clans/tribes nations. The kind of relationships God wants within families etc. are loving relationships. He doesn't want our relationships to be based on money or power or self interest. We can see that this has been how many have been motivated in their relationships and that frankly it's largely been a dismal failure. Christ came to the earth to reveal that the God in Heaven wants to be our Father and He extended this offer to us to become members of His family. This is an amazing thing for us to grasp but it's true. God the Father has a lot of love to give - He will end up being the father of millions /billions of people by sharing His Godly nature with those who wish to receive it. So it's all about love. It's not about money or controlling people. It's about free will and dignity and love. I like what God is offering us. Who else does? Love to hear your thoughts.